Time of the year

November is a hard time of the year for me. It used to be the busiest because between my family and Andy's we have literally like 10 birthdays. Couple that with the holidays and our anniversary-it is a lot! Within the past few years, we've lost 2 very important birthdays, my Mom and Dad's.

I've been in a bad mood today. I've been trying not to focus on the fact that Sunday is Mom's birthday. She would have been 69. She was only 64 when she died. I always think of the movie Stepmom, and the line where Julia Roberts is talking about the teenage daughter being an adult and saying, "I miss my Mom." That line so resonates with me because not a day goes by that I don't think that. I miss my Mom.

This morning, Andy told me that he had been talking with a co-worker who actually used to work with my Mom. She was telling him how Mom would come in every day, sit down (always at a different cubby), pull out all of her pictures of her children and grandchildren and arrange them in her workspace so she could see everyone. I never knew she did that. She never had the opportunity to do that with my kids as by the time my oldest was born, she had had to stop working because she was losing her vision. My oldest, Peter, has vague memories of her. My other two, nothing. Drew was only a year when she died, and Michael never knew her. It makes me so sad that my boys are growing up without my Mom and Dad here.

My Mom suffered so much her last four years of life. Her vision, her COPD, and finally the cancer, and the complications of the surgery that should have saved her. She told my sister that she was going to offer up her suffering so that none of her grandchildren would lose their Catholic faith. She offered up her pain and suffering so beautifully. I love you, Mama, and oh how I miss you and Daddy!