I remember years ago when my dear sister-in-law started referring to herself as broken. I think it was around 4 or 5 kids (she has 8). Some of you know this feeling. The exhausted, house is dirty, laundry not done and I just don't care feeling? Yeah, I am pretty much there right now.
The past few days, I have sat down to try and write a blog post. Millions of thoughts swirl through my head-including starting to write about my parents' illnesses. Guess what? Not a word was written. I am broken.
I am at that point in the winter where I feel beaten. And it hasn't even been that bad of a winter compared to the past couple. The sun peaked out for maybe 5 minutes yesterday, and I was ecstatic. I took my sunglasses instead of my regular ones. I love when the sun is out in the winter. I needed my other glasses shortly after leaving the house (left them at home). Drew came home with torn snow pants twice this week. Monday, he sported and 8 inch gash in them. I got out the sewing machine and stitched them up. Tuesday he came home with a similar gash right below where I'd sewn the first. I admitted defeat and took off my last hour of work so I could run to the store and find a new pair. I am broken.
Last week, while I was up at school coaching forensics (junior high public speaking competition), Michael had his first wetting accident in months. I had nothing there for him. He had to sit wet for 45 minutes. On the same day, Peter left his social studies project on the hard drive at school. It was due the next day. That afternoon, Drew commented that he and Alex were the only ones I hadn't raised my voice to. I am broken.
Yesterday, I asked the boys to quickly and quietly have their snack after school. I had to feed Alex, and just wanted a few quiet moments before homework, dinner and my rush to teach at my new earlier hour. The boys got louder and Michael's bowl of popcorn flew across the kitchen. I hung my head and thought to myself, I feel so broken.
I am trying to imitate Christy's example by thanking God for these moments, and MckMama's reminder that one day I am gonna miss this, but boy, some days it is so hard.