I am so glad this week is almost over. I have been trying to keep what I call my post-partum meltdown at bay, and it happened tonight. I feel so much better!
What's been on my mind? What hasn't been! This week was a crazy one in particular as I was juggling my evening teaching job and my every once in a while essay scoring for SAT. I had decided to take Monday off of teaching so I could score as I make twice as much on SAT than I do teaching. The next day I found out that our attendance policy has changed at work. I'm not in trouble or anything, but they have tightened it down a lot. I also had to attend my first team meeting with my new lead teacher. I am just so bitter about not getting the position. Work has just been very overwhelming this week.
I am also in sleep deprived mode. Alex is doing great, but I haven't found the groove with her at night yet. I need to feed her right before bed because when I do, it means feeding her only once in the middle of the night. I haven't been doing that, and it has been twice during the night. After I am done writing this, I am going to feed her and go to sleep myself.
Michael has been a struggle lately. He is so good with Alex, but I think that he is feeling insecure. We have really great days the 3 of us. I love nothing better than sitting down to feed Alex, and Michael climbing into my lap as well. He can be such a sweetheart, and he can also be such a stinker! He is very smart which now has me questioning the decision not to send him to school. Actually, we wouldn't have sent him because of his behavior and, ahem, potty training issues. I am just frustrated right now. When he goes to his gymnastics class, he is good as gold for the teacher. Then we go out somewhere like the grocery store, and I am constantly correcting him. And the potty training? If I weren't so tired, oh, who am I kidding? I am at a complete loss!
Finally, I am really stressing out about H1N1. I tend to be a little OCD. I used to really freak out about the kids getting sick-until they had rotovirus a few years ago. Since then, I have had a pretty laid-back attitude. Until this whole H1N1 thing. I know the media is really going all out about this. It's just the fact that I have a newborn, and I am so scared that she is going to get it. We had thought for sure that we would get the vaccine. Now, we think we won't. We were supposed to go next week, but we are hearing there are not enough shots. In the end, I don't think the shot would help as H1N1 seems to be running rampant in the city already. Several schools are closed because they have 30-40% of their population out (our school is at about 10% right now). Even if we could get the shot, I think it is too late.
So, the meltdown I mentioned? I came out of my room where I had scored 3 hours straight (except for when Alex was fussing-not that she EVER does that!), and I cried, and got all of this off my chest to my wonderful husband. If you have an extra prayer, please just pray that I can have some inner peace.