16 July 2009

Q & A-Nancy

Nancy asked me about my discipline style. I'd like to say I have one, but the way I discipline each boy is different because of their ages as well as their temperaments.

With Peter, there is very little discipline involved. It has kind of always been that way. He is like his Mama in that he is a people pleaser. If he has done something wrong, he is immediately contrite and aims to change things. He also very much wants to please Jesus, so often, if I phrase things in that light, he gets it, and moves on. Oh, if the others were that easy!

I have often called Drew my "mini-me". He has a choleric temperament with a bit of sanguine. If you know anything about the temperaments, this means that he wants to be in control of everything and he is also very social. He and I tend to butt heads-often. At 6, he often thinks he knows the answer to EVERYTHING. I hate to say it, but I was much the same way. I very often have to remind him that his job right now is to work on OBEDIENCE. For the most, part, he is a good boy with a strong will, and once he gets the obedience reminder, he generally complies. If he doesn't, a few minutes in time out generally does the trick (we use a kitchen chair in the corner for this).

Then, we have Michael. As Andy said to me the other day at Mass, "he brings out the best in me and the worst in me." At 3 1/2, he really tries our patience, and I am often left wondering what the trick is going to be to get him to comply. You all know, I have written several times about his refusal to potty train. He is very bright and gets it, but would prefer use his pull-up. I have tried both rewards and punishment for this, to no avail. Putting him in cloth trainers makes no difference as well. This is really a battle of the will, as are most things with Michael. He is downright stubborn. If he has hit his brother, and we tell him he is going to time-out or to his room, he tells us he isn't. At this point in my pregnancy, it is harder to move him when he does this (he does the "dead weight" thing). Andy and I have really been working on consistency for his actions as of late-that, and a lot of prayer!

Nancy-I wish I had a better answer! I do feel like we are all in this together, though, so if anyone wants to chime in with their discipline tricks, please do!


Gramma 2 Many said...

This grandma sees absolutely nothing wrong with a spank on the butt when warrented. There is a huge difference between spanking and beating. I also disagree with the idea that in spanking your child, you are teaching him that hitting is ok. They know the difference.
Short story. When I was a young mother, I was at my pediatricians office with my son when Bryan got angry and hauled off and hit me. The Dr looked at me for a moment then asked what I was going to do about that. I told him I did not know what to do. His answer, "spank him. When you do that he will learn that hitting you is not acceptable." 2 spankings later, he never hit me again.

Nancy said...

Thanks Therese! I never realized (before kids) that they could be so different! Like you, my three are totally different in personalities and we have to be different in our approach.
I'm trying to learn right now how to pick my battles....otherwise, I will go crazy. They can push every single button I have...mutliple times.
Thank you for sharing how you handle things.