Something I Wrote...

My cousin is putting together a book for publication, and asked me to write a couple of pieces for it. I believe it will be called, Voices of Ordinary People. I have been procrastinating on the project partly because I don't feel confident in my writing (it's why I beg for comment love!), and partly because I knew I wanted to write something about the deaths of my parents in 2004 and 2006. I knew it was going to be painful. The anniversary of Mom's death is coming up on August 11. The tears flowed, and I wrote. I wanted to share this piece, so here it is:

Your father has cancer. I heard this news two weeks before my wedding, and I felt like my world was coming to an end. My Dad was the strongest person I knew. How could he be sick? Would he be able to walk me down the aisle? I had such an immature understanding of this disease at the time. That time was 12 years ago. Since then, I understand more than I ever want to about that disease-CANCER.

Twelve years ago, we thought my Dad was one of the lucky ones. They caught it early. He only needed surgery. For the next six years, he continued to be one of the lucky ones. Six years-we thought he was safe. He made it past five-he was out of the danger zone, right? Nope. After six years, we heard it again.

Your father has cancer. How can this be? Then, two years we heard it again, but it was slightly different. Your mother has cancer. WHAT? How the hell did this happen? How did I end up losing not one, but two parents to that disease?

CANCER-I HATE that word. I hate what it means. Watching your parents fight to survive. Hoping and praying that they will live to see your children born. Hoping and praying that they will be here when your oldest starts school, and then crying when they’re not. I hate crying every time my kids hit a major milestone because my Mom and Dad aren’t here for it. I hate hearing that they’re here in spirit. You know something, that’s not good enough. I want them here-now.

My heart aches with the fact that I lost my Mom at 34 and my Dad at 35. I am too young to be without them. I know there are many people who have gone through this, who have lost their parents or (God forbid) a child even younger than I was, and I grieve for those people as well. This club is one I did not sign up for, and one I don’t want to belong to.

So, CANCER, do you know what I think of you? I think you suck! I hate what you have done to so many families, including my own.

I have made some really great friends here in the blogosphere, and I wanted to share this because my parents were/are such an important part of who I am.