12 August 2010

Still Breaking

I came across something I wrote in 2008, and did not feel ready to share. I realized that this very much still applies to the person I wrote this for. I am also coming to another realization-I need to get back to some real writing. I remember feeling very good after I had written this and gotten it off my chest. So, without further ado,

To a Friend

Friendship-something each and every one of us has at least encountered at some point. Friendship-something I am not sure I could have lived without during some of the best and worst times in my life. Friendship-something I see fractured between us right now. I don’t know if it can be fixed. I don’t know if I want it fixed. We’ve always been very different, perhaps too different. Maybe I am just too tired of having to be different from you. I won’t let go of my beliefs, and you of yours. I feel like there is this wide chasm between us, and I don’t want to jump. You’ve known me longer and better than almost anyone one else-with the exception of my husband and family, but I am tired, tired of the differences, tired of having to explain why I believe what I do, and hear from you why it’s not valid.

I have new friends. Well, they are not entirely new, but newer than you. They don’t make me feel like I need to apologize for who I am. They accept me. After years of feeling like I had to steel myself against criticism, I no longer have to. They love me-unconditionally.

So, what should I do when I feel like a relationship is fractured, broken, beyond repair? Part of me wants to scream,”NO! Don’t let go!” but part of me understands the reality. It is time to move on. And I am OK with that. Are you?


Patty said...

You are honest. I heard (twice now) a discussion on relationships on Catholic radio. It was on all types of relationships; that are family, spousal, parent, friend, co-worker, all kinds.

It is okay to distance yourself; to cushion your mental/physical/spiritual being; to protect yourself in a way.

The "break" can only be as long as needed. Charity comes in when you are able to "check back" with that person/relationship and see if you are safe again. If not, you have every moral right to step back away from that relationship that is toxic to you.

Maybe this is the time to cushion and protect yourself, mentally and spiritually. You can always be charitable and check back in with them at another time, when you feel it is appropriate.

I love Catholic radio!
Prayers heading your way!

Frizzy and Bird said...

Friendship is something I hold very close to my heart. It's something that I don't take lightly. It's been a lifelong lesson for me as I'm a people pleaser but sometimes you need to just let go. There needn't be a big blow out or a lot of words. Sometimes it's ok to just allow distance to seep in and let life take us where it needs to. I read a quote on Betty's blog awhile back and I hold it dear now. I have written it on my Facebook page. It may sound harsh to some but for me it's my truth. I wish I knew who wrote it.

God doesn´t give you the people you want. He gives you the people you NEED...to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be. I pray this helps you today my friend. I know it will hurt at first but in the long run maybe it'll hurt less.

Nancy said...

This is a toughy. Sometimes, people grow apart. I think God brings most people into our lives for "seasons". We are able to share (giving and taking) for a time...and then, something happens and it starts to change. We move in different directions and so, it becomes time to move on.
Others, God brings to us to stay FOREVER! These are far and few between...at least in my experience.

Anyway...that's my two cents worth.

As for your writing....YES, you need to do more of it! You do it well!

MTJ said...

Hi Therese,

I followed a link from Elizabeth's blog (100th Lamb) and read this interesting and heartfelt post.

I get what you're saying about being accepted for who you are and not criticized because you're not what someone wants you to be. There is a level of immaturity in that kind of relationship that for whatever reason rests on an either/or pendulum.

I can think of a friendship I had which fractured over political views. When I look back, I realize my role in the failure but I also recognize my friend's unwillingness to hear what I was saying. It was an imbalanced friendship; we were good as long as I accepted his views, my views were dismissed.

Eventually, we just grew apart. I miss my friendship with this Christian brother but I don't miss the one-dimensional thinking he ascribed to.

I hope you and your friend can find a place where the friendship isn't at-risk.

Blessings and peace.


Christy said...

I agree with what Nancy said-I think God brings friends into our lives for seasons. Some friends are for a lifetime, but many are only for a time. I am sorry that a friendship has ended-it is hard! I have been there. I had to break ties with a close friend and it was very painful. However, several years later I am able to look back and realize the damage that friendship did and how it was necessary to end it.

Jamie Jo said...

Your friend sounds like she's not ready to accept the grace yet.

What you are feeling right now is the lonliness of letting go. It's a mourning, a loss. With your parents gone and this close friend, well, it's just lonely.

St Francis de Sales writes beautifully about friendship in his book, The Devout Life.

Praying you through this.

Elizabeth Mahlou said...

It will be interesting to see how your friend reacts. Sometimes the best thing we can do for someone is to let them off the hook, to give them permission to go one without us, kindly of course, and with love, of course. I know little of your situation (and sometimes even less of my own), but one thing I do know: if God wants two people to be together, one way or another, they will end up that way. So, as with everything else, "let go and let God" is probably in order here.

Michele said...

i also had to let a friendship go for similar reasons. because iam Catholic, and she is a jw. i have known this lady for over 15 years. it is sad when we have to part friends with someone, but well, it happens. its not nice, but it happens. in my case, i pray for her soul, and hope she gets out of the watchtower organization. honestly, i can't see it happening, but God does hear our prayers. i hope she does get out. then perhaps we can pick up where we left off. if not, well that is God's will.

Gramma 2 Many said...

This is very well written. I think I remember the "breakup". It does hurt for a while, but as others have said, God puts people in our lives for a season. You can cherish what you had and also cherish now the others who are an integral part of your life.